No seriously, it'll probably be just you. But if you're that person who wants to know what I'm thinking RIGHT NOW (sporadically), or more often what interesting song I'm listening to, then rush as fast as your internets will take you over to twitter.com/snortingmarmots. I've even included a handy little link off to the right so you can find your way whenever you like.

Okay, enough basking in my own shadow. We now return you to your regularly unscheduled funny.

 

 

 

For some wonderful reading, check out these Amazon products, the customer reviews of which have become a public storytelling space:

Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz

 Sample Review:
Few bands have sufficient staying power or the raw talent necessary to bridge the transition from one generation to the next. Tuscan Whole Milk is a rare exception. Their first release Whole Milk rocketed them to fame in the late 70s, and remains a fan favorite to this day.

Fans of Tuscan Whole Milk were split over subsequent releases of 2% Reduced Fat and 1% Reduced Fat. Some said the band were selling out. Others emphatically insisted the band was just changing with the times. No matter which side of that fence you were on, their latest release "1 Gallon, 128 fl oz Red Label" is a treat. Red Label will likely prove to be to Tuscan Whole Milk what Hot Rocks was to the Rolling Stones --- a lot of the best in one beautiful package.

Red Label is a long-playing version of the classic 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz fan favorite. Tuscan Whole Milk Red Label is a release that defies immediate classification or description, simply because it's so obviously a turning point for Tuscan Whole Milk that only time proves capable of shifting into eventual perspective.

Each and every ounce of the Red Label release can't fail but take you completely in, proving that Tuscan Whole Milk is still the leader in quenching the world's thirst for the best. Tuscan Whole Milk Red Label provides a real explosion of indie driving rhythm on even the slowest day of the week. Tuscan Whole Milk Red Label is not overproduced, as is so common of lesser entries these days. No, Tuscan Whole Milk Red Label is packaged like a grunge guitar chord that makes you want to just pop your top and swig like a hillbilly on his day off.

Tuscan Whole Milk plays with so much passion and challenge that the Red Label '09 tour is something that can't be missed. Tuscan Whole Milk doesn't need to play at lesser venues, so don't look for them there. Tuscan Whole Milk plays best in larger arenas that can accommodate fist-pumping crowds who can scream along with every last drop.

Bic Crystal Ballpoint Pen, Medium Point, Black

Sample Review:

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful: Great product, horrible customer service, 9 Jan 2009 By  layla - See all my reviews This is a good model, but the lack of support provided by the company is inexcusable. I was unsure about whether to invest in this model, since the company provides no information about what surfaces this model is designed for. I noticed another reviewer said it works great on paper, but sometimes when I hit it off with a bloke at the pub, I'll write his number on my hand. Also, I wanted to get one for my daughter's birthday since she's such a gadget lover, but I was worried that she would be disappointed to find she could not write "Linda wuz here" on the desks at school. Luckily, the model turns out to be compatible with those surfaces, but I'm going to have to test a bit to find out the other compatibilities. The most worrying thing about this model is that there is NO warranty. The bit that sticks off the lid can easily break off, but Bic will not replace your product in such an event. I tried to find a support line to ask if I could send it in for repairs or even purchase replacement parts, but there is nothing written on the box. This level of customer service is simply shameful. There also does not seem to be any security features on this pen, but with the lack of documentation, it is possible I just haven't figured it out yet. I have been trying to work out how to set a PIN code, but no luck there. I will be looking online to find out if some third party manufacturer provides a retinal scanner, fingerprint authorization or tracking device designed to attach to the pen in the event of theft. In conclusion, this model is very nice if you can deal with the lack of features and pretty much non-existant customer support. Hopefully the next upgrade will have a delete feature, but unfortunately I haven't figured out how to upgrade or install patches just yet.

-via John Hodgman and Allie

Improv Everywhere strikes again. Their latest mission is to turn a subway stop into a fine art gallery, with the existing fixtures, graffiti, etc. as the works on display.

More detail on the project can be found here.

You're probably familiar with Daft Punk's "Harder Better Faster Stronger'. Now through the magic of interwebs you can create your own mix using the Daft Punk Console. (via Neatorama)

If you haven't seen the popular videos from the song, here they are:

This is an idea which has been floating around for a while. This list is compiled from comments on Lore's blog.

Movie Title Portmanteaus

 

301 Dalmations

Ocean’s Twelve Monkeys

Lady in the Waterworld

The Return of the King and I
The Sixth Sense and Sensibility

The Hardy Boyz n the Hood

No Country For Old Men In Black

Harvey For Vendetta

Jumping off Bridges of Madison County

The Princess Bride of Frankenstein

The Last Days of the Disco Mohicans

The Man Who Knew Too Much Ado About Nothing

Look Who’s Talking, 2001: A Space Odyssey

Beauty and the Beastmaster

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles of Narnia

Reservoir Dogs Go To Heaven

Little Miss Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

The Daredevil’s Advocate

No Country for Grumpy Old Men

All Quiet on the Wild Wild Western Front

The King and I, Robot

Horton Hears a Spy Who Loved Me

Daredevil Wears Prada

The Muppets Take the Manhattan Project

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan Air

Someone to Watch Over Me, Myself & Irene

All The President’s Men In Tights

Better Off Dead Again

Dirty Harry and the Hendersons

Dirty Dances with Wolves

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home for the Holidays

Apocalypse Now and Then

The Assassination of Jesse James and the Giant Peach

My Best Friend’s Wedding Crashers

There’s Something About Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein

The Spy Who Loved Me, Myself & Irene

Twelve Angry Men and a Baby

Wild Wild West Side Story

Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey to the Center of the Earth
Regarding Henry V

A Few Good Men Can’t Jump

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen prefer Blondes

How To Steal a Million Dollar Baby

Space Mutiny on the Bounty

Manos: The Wrath of Khan

 

A very profound and thought provoking talk given by Liz Gilbert at this year's TED conference. We'll return to the funny soon enough. (via John Hodgman)

 

A recent comic over at Sheldon Comics:

 

Which has since been turned into a song (mp3 link) by Tom Smith.

Note: There's a little bit of profanity in these.

And on a slightly different note:

Today I got not one, but two e-mails, from separate companies, that made me laugh. Never before has something been double-labeled Financial and Humor in my inbox, but a promising new trend is starting...

 

After an order placed at cdbaby.com:

Subject: "CD Baby loves Stephen"

 

Your CDs have been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with
sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.

A team of 50 employees inspected your CDs and polished them to make
sure they were in the best possible condition before mailing.

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over
the crowd as he put your CDs into the finest gold-lined box that money
can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party
marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of
Portland waved "Bon Voyage!" to your package, on its way to you, in
our private CD Baby jet on this day, Thursday, January 22nd.

I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby.  We sure did. Your picture is on our wall as "Customer of the Year."  We're all
exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Sigh...

 

The CDs, by the way, were both Brother Yusef - check him out for some great blues tunes.

 

And then from Woot.com:

 

Good day, special friend -

Sometimes, the biggest mistakes can yield the biggest gifts. We somehow managed to fumble our own 2-for-Tuesday sale a couple of Tuesdays ago. But before our very eyes, that boneheaded blunder transformed itself into a gift. A gift of caring. A gift of sharing. A gift of free pliers.

That's right - that extra Lockjaw Self-Adjusting Locking Plier set is yours to keep... to hold... to cherish.

Or, if you're all taken care of in the holding-and-cherishing department, we ask that you share this gift. Let the sparkle of its chrome molybdenum steel bring light to the life of someone you love, or at least don't actively hate. Share with them the delightful story about how this totally awesome web site totally gave it to you totally for free.

And then they'll order from us, and we'll screw their order up, and they'll have extra stuff to give people, and so on until everybody's really happy and we're completely broke. We say "Plier it forward!"

Inspirationally yours -
Woot.com